{PROLOGUE}

TOHSINYING.yzanne *]]
attached & unavaliable *]]
Going 16 soon *]]
17 sep 90 *]]
Naval base secondary *]]
Food & Nutrition *]]
hand chimes *]]
i love and am loved *]]
gaga over uu *]]
crazy for uu *]]
hyper passive *]]
easily low too *]]
smile *]]
i`m happy with what i have ^^*]]

[x] to love and to be loved - }}
[x] to be cherished & doted - }}
to be understood - }}
[x] not to think too much - }}
no one nothing will stop me - }}
[x] not to be yixiangqingyuan - }}
[x] be cared and concerned - }}
no heartbreaks - }}
[x] not be cheated - }}
[x] not to be zhizuoduoqing - }}
[x] be missed - }}
no medication - }}
w 900 i - }}
N 80 - }}
MP3 - }}
2 GB MMC for w900i - }}
plastic cover for w550i - }}
new headset for w550i - }}
new pierce - }}

Jessica aka kakacrunch }}
Jayven aka toot^kia `baby }}
YeeKuan aka Angeline `mei }}
shaun aka kai xin guo }}
KY- aka fei mao }}
Val 09 aka cOwkimOo `kor }}
k-zai aka heimawangzi }}
Alison aka CrabisOn }}
Candy aka konghuilian }}
Jia wei aka lavanderr `nanny }}
Fanne aka Fannanna }}
kelson aka lemon boy }}
Rainy aka bbaby`x }}
Vashonz`14 aka xBabYx TigGeR }}
sinying`s happiness }}
What i did, for love.. }}

Afianne
37pence
Juvenile Casualty
Squared Pretties
Getty
 
October 2004[x] December 2004[x] January 2005[x] March 2005[x] April 2005[x] May 2005[x] June 2005[x] July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x]

So, i`ve asked.. in front of yk..
i knew the ans but i still wanna try cos i really cannot believe u dun wan me..
like last time.. "wo pei bu shang ni" den break..
few min.. only that few min after dat.. we patched..
why cant we be like be4??!
patch back le still love each other soo soo deep.
mayb not for u.. haha..

okok.. so now.. NO!! i do not wanna be yr frien.. cos i hate u too much.. reallyy.. i hate u..
pls stop sms-ing me.. dun call me oso.. online u oso no need to pm me..
go pm jessica bah.. 'mature best frien' oso can.. 'er-nai' oso can..
can call me childish oso.. i dun carre liiao. HAHA.
no offence, jessica..

and pls horr.. gimme back my diary.. ty ALOT ok..

9:35 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, i`ve asked.. in front of yk..
i knew the ans but i still wanna try cos i really cannot believe u dun wan me..
like last time.. "wo pei bu shang ni" den break..
few min.. only that few min after dat.. we patched..
why cant we be like be4??!
patch back le still love each other soo soo deep.
mayb not for u.. haha..

okok.. so now.. NO!! i do not wanna be yr frien.. cos i hate u too much.. reallyy.. i hate u..
pls stop sms-ing me.. dun call me oso.. online u oso no need to pm me..
go pm jessica bah.. 'mature best frien' oso can.. 'er-nai' oso can..
can call me childish oso.. i dun carre liiao. HAHA.
no offence, jessica..

and pls horr.. gimme back my diary.. ty ALOT ok..

9:35 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

yeah yeah..
"dun think too much.. dun think too much"
who oso know how to say..
all those words are for counselling ppl bah.
dunno why.. mayb i siiao again.. so i wanna sae this..
there isn`t a need to say those words to me..
i dun need them..

hmms.. i dunno wad to blog today.. so mayb got a lor craps comeout.
hmms.. hmms.. hmms..
i dunno lah.. one of my frien tell me, the way i tok to her change le..
dunno true not.
but.. i thought bout a lot of things jux now le lah..
u* dun wanna be involved too much with me in yr life..
i understand.. den keep it this way if u wan. i dun carre le i think.

another thing i wanna sae, do well for o lvls..
i no need to take le.. cos no need to poly liiao..
i know where i`m going le.. somewhere none of u would wanna join me..
hahahas.. dun ask me where now wor..
till then u all will know..

Sorry jenn, don`t mean to tok to u liddat.. too much things happened.. pls understand..

hmms.. yupps.. too much le bah i think..
ohh yah..

YOUR number in my hp now is saved as cowkimoo..
don`t worry..

hmms.. still got what leh?? lols..
hmms.. some ppl juz dun understand me..
infact, no one currently bahs..
haha.. it`s like.. suddenly change a new enviroment..

and val.. ask u come my hse dun wan.. tried to ask u where u r.. tell me ''outside''
like i dunno u outside.. outside so big..
i oso in no place to ask lorr haha..
dun even need to ask who u with le bah??
grr.. sin ying ah sin ying.. no need bullshiiet so much le lorr. haha.
many many things not my prob now liiao..
wa mai chap ka zuei(i dun wan b involved too much)

ahh yah.. dun feel like bloggin le. enuff for now le bah..
for now.. haha. no need tear when i sleep le. yay??
lols. hopefully lorr. i will return u ur ring..
i know become dunno like what liiao..
if u dun wan den lemme know.. i will throw away or something..

nites.

9:38 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

About ytd, i`ve got seriously nothing to say about myself.
haha. mayb u didn`t even bother to visit my blog.
but i visited yrs.. hope to see u update someting..
so at least i`ll know how u feel bout me now..
but u didn`t blog. hmms.. nvm..

yah.. u still feel the same bout me bah? haha..
CHILDISH!! UNREASONABLE!! DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND!!
yes.. i am like this.. u don`t sae i ownself oso know..
i`m bad.. very bad.. nono.. rotten liao..
i failed le.. failed terribly..

Mayb it`s cos u mature le lorr. i still childish.
isit cos i wanna keep it sweet and nice like 1st few months? dats y i dun eanna move on?
or is it that u cannot find anymore fun and laughter on me animore?
hmms.. chimalogy questions..

I have tried to woo u back. (omg. so pai seh)
but failed again. LOL~
i tried so so hard.. but ni hai shi mei dong xin..

the next time i ask u ''u still love me not!?"
u can ans me "NO LAH~!!"
str8 ans.. cos i know it too..
mayb i won`t ask le bah..
everytime wanna cheat myself, the ans gonna b different..
but in the end.. SAME! got diff lah.. more hurtful lorr.
hmms.. mayb after ytd thingiies.. i won`t ask u again le..
even if yes, i know ur ans liiao..

haha.. to think of it horr.. one day..
if u were to call me and say "dear ilu*.. muack muack"
i will be like.. crying.. BURST into tears. tears of joy..
but i know it ain`t gonna happen.. so i didn`t put too much effort to ask for it.
but that is wad i`d dream for bah.. i guess..

ytd night.. i smsed u when i was crying .. hard..
can`t really read the words on my hp..
i updated my calander.. so so long..
haiis.. like u care liddat. haha..

In my hp now, yr name..
suddenly, it feels like stranger's hp no. to me..
hmms.. "da- leng dui bu qi.. ke shi wo zhen de zhen de hen bu xi huan ni zhe yang dui wo.."
thats wad i typed.. when i wanted to send u sms..
but den.. i didn`t haha..
da leng? who? lols..
say all these.. u gonna stressed up again.. scold me.. "ni ke yi bu yao yi zhi jiang zhe xie ma?!! hen fan de leh!!"
lols. u scold me too many times le.. i know wad u will say..

hmms.. duno lah duno lah..
mayb u hating me now bah.. see yr nick oso know le..
i dunno what i wanna put in my msn nick to let u know what i wan..
no no wait.. wad do i wan u to know!?

haha.. see? childish bah.. dun even know wad i wan.. like baby liddat. lol.
i`m liddat de lah. mayb dats y a lot of ppl dun like me bahs?
dunno who but i think will have alot of them..

dun say le.. i`ll keep the rest to myself. haiis..
someone takkare of him for me..

-dun make him angry if he not in mood.
-dun ask him why he moody
-dun ask him eat wadever he dun wan
-if he ask u eat u cannot say dun wan.
-promise him de things muz remember to do them ALL.
-he plays bball.. so even if u dunno how.. shuddup and watch
-remm.. give complement..
-dun say his clothes ugly and wadever..
-if he cook something for u.. EAT IT ALL UP~
-if he crazy dat day, siao siao one.. u siao with him lorr..
-take wadever he buy for u..
-keep it safe..
-buy him wad he like sometimes.. he will be happie.. like u will too..
-he dun like ppl late de. lol.

think dats it. anything wanna add i will post de.
xi huan ta de ren kan hao hao le lorr.
zhai jian..


i`m gonna marry in maple.. god bless

9:16 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

About ytd, i`ve got seriously nothing to say about myself.
haha. mayb u didn`t even bother to visit my blog.
but i visited yrs.. hope to see u update someting..
so at least i`ll know how u feel bout me now..
but u didn`t blog. hmms.. nvm..

yah.. u still feel the same bout me bah? haha..
CHILDISH!! UNREASONABLE!! DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND!!
yes.. i am like this.. u don`t sae i ownself oso know..
i`m bad.. very bad.. nono.. rotten liao..
i failed le.. failed terribly..

Mayb it`s cos u mature le lorr. i still childish.
isit cos i wanna keep it sweet and nice like 1st few months? dats y i dun eanna move on?
or is it that u cannot find anymore fun and laughter on me animore?
hmms.. chimalogy questions..

I have tried to woo u back. (omg. so pai seh)
but failed again. LOL~
i tried so so hard.. but ni hai shi mei dong xin..

the next time i ask u ''u still love me not!?"
u can ans me "NO LAH~!!"
str8 ans.. cos i know it too..
mayb i won`t ask le bah..
everytime wanna cheat myself, the ans gonna b different..
but in the end.. SAME! got diff lah.. more hurtful lorr.
hmms.. mayb after ytd thingiies.. i won`t ask u again le..
even if yes, i know ur ans liiao..

haha.. to think of it horr.. one day..
if u were to call me and say "dear ilu*.. muack muack"
i will be like.. crying.. BURST into tears. tears of joy..
but i know it ain`t gonna happen.. so i didn`t put too much effort to ask for it.
but that is wad i`d dream for bah.. i guess..

ytd night.. i smsed u when i was crying .. hard..
can`t really read the words on my hp..
i updated my calander.. so so long..
haiis.. like u care liddat. haha..

In my hp now, yr name..
suddenly, it feels like stranger's hp no. to me..
hmms.. "da- leng dui bu qi.. ke shi wo zhen de zhen de hen bu xi huan ni zhe yang dui wo.."
thats wad i typed.. when i wanted to send u sms..
but den.. i didn`t haha..
da leng? who? lols..
say all these.. u gonna stressed up again.. scold me.. "ni ke yi bu yao yi zhi jiang zhe xie ma?!! hen fan de leh!!"
lols. u scold me too many times le.. i know wad u will say..

hmms.. duno lah duno lah..
mayb u hating me now bah.. see yr nick oso know le..
i dunno what i wanna put in my msn nick to let u know what i wan..
no no wait.. wad do i wan u to know!?

haha.. see? childish bah.. dun even know wad i wan.. like baby liddat. lol.
i`m liddat de lah. mayb dats y a lot of ppl dun like me bahs?
dunno who but i think will have alot of them..

dun say le.. i`ll keep the rest to myself. haiis..
someone takkare of him for me..

-dun make him angry if he not in mood.
-dun ask him why he moody
-dun ask him eat wadever he dun wan
-if he ask u eat u cannot say dun wan.
-promise him de things muz remember to do them ALL.
-he plays bball.. so even if u dunno how.. shuddup and watch
-remm.. give complement..
-dun say his clothes ugly and wadever..
-if he cook something for u.. EAT IT ALL UP~
-if he crazy dat day, siao siao one.. u siao with him lorr..
-take wadever he buy for u..
-keep it safe..
-buy him wad he like sometimes.. he will be happie.. like u will too..
-he dun like ppl late de. lol.

think dats it. anything wanna add i will post de.
xi huan ta de ren kan hao hao le lorr.
zhai jian..


i`m gonna marry in maple.. god bless

9:16 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

About ytd, i`ve got seriously nothing to say about myself.
haha. mayb u didn`t even bother to visit my blog.
but i visited yrs.. hope to see u update someting..
so at least i`ll know how u feel bout me now..
but u didn`t blog. hmms.. nvm..

yah.. u still feel the same bout me bah? haha..
CHILDISH!! UNREASONABLE!! DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND!!
yes.. i am like this.. u don`t sae i ownself oso know..
i`m bad.. very bad.. nono.. rotten liao..
i failed

9:16 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i dunno wadda hell is wrong with me. hais..
wo ming ming jiu hai shi aii ni de.. but duno who i wanna let u go..
that time i was thinking that u will b happier.. free.. not so stressed up..
but den i know u cried.. :'( me too.
i went to stead with lelvin.. cos to forget u and oso, hope to give u up faster bahs.
but den.. more and more trouble came up.. making me tired of living..

hais..

yeah.. i am very hard to understand bahs. but den.. haha. i`ve made the effort to wait for u..
although only a mth now.. but this whole month is damm damm painful for me.. u know that?
in front of u, cannot sad.. try hard not to say anything bout` us..
but when i said something wrong.. something bout us.. u wuld be angry..
i know, u and yr other ex.. one year later den patch back.. blah blah..
i dun wan listen!! i am who i am.. i am me.. myself.. not her.
me and her different..
everyone is different..
i know u`re stressed up cos of me.. but have u think of me??
what did i do for u??

haha..

mayb to u, not that much.. other girls can do much more for me..
or mayb, others have done much more for their steads..
but think bout it..
how did i treat my ex when i break up with them?
look at them and u..
how i treat them..

haha..

bao ying bah..
i played too much..
i didn`t care much bout my ex..
even break le i won`t cry..
asked them to go for other ppl..
hurt them like dolls..
now.. it`s my turn? haha..

wo ren ming le bah..

i oso dunno wad i`ll do.. but i did..
i dunno how long i`m gonna wait..
i won`t wait long.. cos my life isn`t gonna wait for me dat long too.
i dun wan us to be "this way"..

imagine..

u loved someone soo deeply..
den break le..
still crappin`..
still laughing..
still loving her/him..
but den.. u dare not touch her/him..
because u know he/she isn`t urs anymore..
isn`t ONLY yrs..
well.. he/she WAS mine.. but not now anymore.
she/he is free to go out with wadever person..
to hold wadever person`s hands..
to hug wadever person tightly..
to kiss wadever person`s lips..
to be there for the person..
to be with the person..

and saddest.. these are how we were.. were.. suppose to be..

haha.. believe it or not.. i cried hard ytd night..
i was sitting at my balcony.. looking out into the dark..
i thought to myself.. isn`t there anyway i culd keep u.. with me??
wad muz i do??
will buying u wad u lik help?
or will being ignoring u help me??
mayb if i ignore u, or make u ignore me.. u would think bout me a little.

haha.. stupid me..

like, who will think of me lehh?! lol..

now regret, too late le bah i guess..
u can go now.. anywhere u wan.. whoever u wan..
i`ll let u go.. i`m not gonna block u..
cos u have already forgotten wad i`ve wrote to u..
u`ve forgotten wad u have wrote to me.. all the letters..
and the chi words in 'our' maths excerise bk..
u`ve forgotten wad i wrote in my testi to u..
u`ve forgotten wad we`ve said..

at the same time..

u`ve forgotten how u`ve loved me..
forgotten how u used to tease me..
forgotten how u used to call me in the night..
forgotten how u used to buy me things..
forgotten how u used to write letters to me..
forgotten how u used to forget our days and i`ve gotta remind u..
forgotten how u used to call me oink and i`ll go "oink"
forgotten how u used to lemme call u cow and u go "moo"
forgotten how u used to write on my wrist band..
forgotten how u used to mess up my hair..
forgotten how we used to take neos..
forgotten how we used to chat till one of us speak in 'dream language'
forgotten how we used to 'muach muack'
forgotten how i`ve asked u to 'kuai shuo...'
forgotten how i`ve withdrew my hand from yrs..
u`ve forgotten all these..

u`ve carved a deep deep scar onto my heart now..
a deep one.. although it has stopped bleeding..
scars will always be around..
i`ve used our 1st mth neos, yr rings and memories to cover this scar..
but u`ve once again riped them off..
it`s gonna start bleeding once more..

after reading this post.. i think u must have think alot of things..
i do not wish to guess wad u r thinking now..
but i guess, u will have watery eyes..
if not den i`m sorry. i wronged u again..
those eyes.. muz b cos of the stress i`ve given u again..
i wont mind if u shout at me..
i wont mind if u beat me up..
at least.. u viewed my blog..
i`m happie enough..

i wanna let u know..
once i can sleep without thinking of u..
without tearing..
i`ll be yr close close friend..
for now.. i dun wanna b yr friend..
cos i wan more then that..

if u still wanna leave, i can do nth..
leave all memories to me.. wadever i said that is memorable..
or wadever we did dat is memorable..
leave it all to me and go..
if u really wanna go.. go..

12:17 PM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

JUST FUCKING READ UP HERE YAH?? SI REN TOU. U THINK BAO QI REALLY STEAD WITH ME ISIT? I DUN EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS LORR!! HAHA. IDERT. PLS LA. DUN WAN ME SAY DUN WAN ME. FORGET BOUT IT LAH.

i think i oso no need to type so much le lorr. dun wan me juz say okok!! SAY LAH!! SAY U DUN WAN ME LORR!! say lorr. understandable de. HAHAHA. i understand everything le now. LALALA. i oso dunno whether i understand the right thing not. JUST.. forget it ok? hahaha. smile and die amile and die smile and die. lol.

U DID THIS TO ME U MADE ME MAD. HAHA

yah u are right.. i hao lian~~ haha!! i wan catch everyone de attendtion!! can or not? KE YI MAH!! hahaha. YAH LA YAH LA!! i flirt. LALALA!! say wadever u wann sae!!

I CRIED SO HARD YTD COS OF U!! EVERYTHING IS SAVED UP IN MY HP!! HAHA!! NOW IT`S OVER ALL OVER. SO I THINK I WILL JUZ FUK OFF AND DIE OFF YAH? HAPPIEE 1 MONTH ANI. FOR BREAKING UP WITH ME OK!! HAPPY HORR!! STAY HAPPIEE OK!! HAHA.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

9:36 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

GRR~ now at yeekuan house. wadda hell lorr.
cannot find the movie i wanna watch in 'youtube'
i thought there everything oso have. ppl say even got pron.
but me wasn`t looking for porn ahh!! qi si ren.
ah val tell me what i wan, you tube have. but no lorr!!

hais!! although it`s a lesbian movie. but den it`s damn nice lorr. :)
"fei yue qing hai". 'love me, if u can..."
dats the title lorr. so interesting right.
my 1st time is watched on TV de. but den.. hais. i wanna watch it again lorr.
nice nice nice. rating for the movie is 100/100 lorr.
haha.only left me finding for the movie online liao. hais.
yeekuan, val, ant-eater all sleep liao. left me only.
ME ONLY LEH!! so lonely lorr.lol.
saddening right. hais.

rae ask me patch le hmms..
i dunno ehh. like.. dun wanna cheat his feelings lorr.
cos i know it myself dat i dun love him THAT much lorr. like.. like..
hais.. very hard to sae my feelings out leh. hais.
i know i still love the one i loved. but.. the one i loved dun love me anymore.
sad. yah.

grrr. so sad. but den angry. cos....
i dun need to patch up with eu*.
i juz wanna hear that u still love me. everything is enuff for that.
hais. even if u cheat me, say yes, love me love me.. bt den dun.. oso nvm.
i dun mind. really. cos wad i miss, is ur "i love you".
hahas. we break up not long ago. but den like.. LONG LONG time nv hear le yah?
now even muack muack oso no more wor. hahahaha!!
nth to sae bout u lah. u happie jiu hao lorr. u xin fu jiu hao lorr.
but i only wanna sae..
if one day, someone u love hurt u.. or.. dump u or anything..
i`ll b right here for u lorr. right here....
juz a little tiny winy touch on my hand makes me think alot!! ALOT ALOT!!
"hehe~ he still loves me bah? hmms.. he dun dare sae out only!!~ lol."
dats wad i think.
but when i asked u jux now.. wad i got from u was.. "AH YAH!! dun mean anything. dun think too much."

hais~~sad lehh. sad sad....
wo zhen zhen zhen de hai zai den ni lorr. u this idert.
wanted to change my label? HAHAHA. nth to say lah!~
anyway. yah, u r right. i childish. who will like childish de gf?
who will wan someone dat got mood swing? sensitive and unreasonable?
but.. who will know how HARD it is to change?
very... very xin ku.

HAHA~ now that i know i dun have a very healthy body, i`m going on long term medication le.. hmms. dun wish to stress u up le. leave everything to me bah.
since the road for u is longer. hahaha. :)
i`ll wait till one day my feelings really fade lorr.
or someday when i wanna stop my medication!! HAHAHA.
dun make me give up on myself yah?
everything u say makes me think ALOT.
so everything u do or everything u say.. think properly be4 u say anything.
ur words r important. :'(
zhai jian.




saddening.
``13__ zhai jian.. ai ren..

10:27 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -