Thursday, June 29, 2006
*yawns!! i just got home. i`ve decided to use some proper english in my blog. since my english isn`t that good too.
After school, went home and bathe and prepare to meet up with shaun, aaron, jia wei and also val they all. thought everyone was going MOS at 1st. but then i realised that i made a mistake! aww*.. never mind.. in the end, aaron went back home, and we (jiawei and me) went to MOS to find val and the rest. We actually waited for more then 2 hours for shaun! but in the end, i received an sms. Saying that shaun can`t go out due to what his mother had asked him to do. So, jiawei and i decided to meet up with jayven ourselves.
We waited and waited while chit-chatting. We chat about nearly every single thing. I was bored and turned on my "boredom" mode. haha.
After waiting for.. i forgot how long.. finally saw someone who looks fimilar. well, it`s the 1st time we`re meeting up. and best of all, no one knows what to do! soon, i had what i bear for so long. showed jiawei the cig-butt-cutter trick and then.. xD
well, i felt guilty and felt like i`m very bad when i hold onto it in front of them. Like, jiawei is an anti-smoker, and so, i didn`t know where to blow at. 1st time felt so guilty. lol. i`m the youngest among them. haha. in front of them , don`t know how to even hold my cig. lol!
After awhile jiawei met up with someone else for dinner, leaving the both of us alone. we didn`t know what to do to ease our boredom actually. until i came up with all those ideas that normal people won`t think of. haha.
i took out my file. with my foolscap paper. then wanted to try thinking of a new name for val. haha! but in the end i ended up drawing. i drew "TIAN SHI" wor! lol.
it`s errm*.. a pile of shiit in the clouds. haha! 'tian shi= tian shang yi dui shi'.. and so.. when i wanted to write "tian shi" as in, "shi= shit". but i dunno how to write "shi"! omg lah!
then jayven wrote "mi....." "tian...." den i remembered!! xD
actually i didn`t know "mi tian gong" means "shi" de writing. xD
Big bad wolf is big bad wolf no matter what. -.-
tried to take pics of me. but all came out SO UGLY! well, i `m ugly but then also no need to take candid pics? because i know it myself that it will look extremely UGLY! xD
Somemore.. not only face.. xD shy guy huh? when i tried to take pic of her right in her face, she was like, moving away here and there.. origami is peanuts to her man! frogs, shirt or tortise, and a flying heart? lol. 1st time see the heart can fly. but it was nice. i want to figue out how to fold it SOON! lol.
and because of the origami thingie, we tore and tore paper. tmr morning poor aunty will have to sweep the floor like hell! xD poor thing.. and i don`t know why some people just love to blow wind. blow till every peice of paper fall onto the floor. And then i took 2 side view pics of her :) i think they looked nice wor! all thanks to my superb skills! xD
as i say, everyone, no matter guy or girl, will always have a 'shuai' and 'pretty' look. depending on which angle is used for photo taking. Not all angle is suitable for all people. :) i just love taking pictures of everyone! lol.
And ya, we both keep eating sweets. in the end when i came home, i felt that.. i was having a stomach ache! xD
and then was her turn! haha!
Well, we exchanged our ez link to take a look. I didn`t want to because i think i look real funnily ugly! but we did in the end.. she took my hp T.T
well, hers was... cute.. haha! see le feel like pinching her face kinda little girl look :) pri6 de pic if i wasn`t wrong?
and, i didn`t know how to read her name! omg?
somehow i remember only 1st 2 words. xD and i didn`t know how to pronounce her name though. And, til now, she still didn`t tell me yet!
i`m not going to wear skirt and br* next time. i feel so weird :( saddening passive. hmms..
-neng bu neng gou zhai shuo yi ci, ni hai ai wo. neng bu neng gou zhai yi ci yong you, shu yu wo men de tian kong-
i don`t know what song is this but i liked it.
well, tiring but fun day. Sad day yet happy too.
Am not going to say why why why.
Pon tan school tmr. monday`s holiday! shaun updated me.
ANYONE WANTS TO GO BOWLING ON FRIDAY?! means, tmr? xD
mother tongue O lvl oral? lol.
we`ll see what shaun says ya?
anyway.. I POK LE LAH! we`ll see bout it tmr! lalala~
-illfuckoffandgotosleep-
good luck for exams everyone. takkare.
7:48 AM
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Monday, June 26, 2006
Today is the 26th le.. i hoped for us to be back together by this day de..
looks like not much chance le bah? nvm..
i know u`re looking forward for yr life.. and i shld be doing the same..
but i just can`t bah.. i know i`m irritating sometimes.. not only u bah.. i irritated alot of other ppl too.. i just don`t get what had happened to me..
i feel like crying.. feel like cutting.. feel like breaking down too..
i`m not like last time now.. i don`t dare to do anything..
cut oso cut at places where no one can see.. i was serious when i told u u cld come and cut me if u wan.. cos i know i dun dare..
ppl who dunno me will think i am toopid, keep on thinking bout negative things.. but do they really know what i need?!
i irritate ppl cos i know i`ve already xi guan u* with me.. but since i cannot depend on u now, i shall find someone to irritate.. i found it.. but just i happen to send him wrong info to his mind.. i think i 'made' him fall for me.. well.. yes.. someone* wld say it`s not fair for him* blah blah blah..
what is fair den?
i oso dunno what i want.. xi guan see sms coming in whenever i open my eyes.. 1st thing in the morning.. 6.20am sharp.. xi guan see u sms me "wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up" blah blah.. still got alot lah.. i wan someone to replace all yr sms.. replace the place for u in my heart.. but isit THAT simple?! i dun wanna make another person suffer le.. me myself already had enough of myself.. bugging ppl to entertain me when i`m bored.. accompany me tok on fone till early morning..
yes, i`m scared.. i dun like to hear other party on fone not toking or no ans me.. not cos i scare they fell asleep or anything.. cos.. i do not have the chance to hear u again.. i dun wanna be listening to a fone where no one speaks anymore..
msn with u* now.. why keep toking bout them in front of me man.. though i tok to them alot but oso no means anything ma.. u say jack nvm.. wad has it gonna do with the other idert? xD she`s innocent de..
anyway.. i`m bored again bah? thinking bout soo soo many things now.. past, present, future.. wad am i gonna do?!! i`m changing into a total irritating and annoying IDIOT! haiis..
how i wish to go somewhere no one can find me.. no one.. NO ONE!
dun wan blog le.. takkare ppl..
6:47 AM
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Hmms.. i`m kind of geting sick of myself..
Somehow, me and u* attracted the wrong group of ppl eh?
i won`t go pl de.. and i think u* oso won`t go pb de..
so.. yah.. haha..
hmms.. had been talking alor on the phone lately. with an old old man.
ask him remind me about "devil beside u" he forgot! though he told me he will forget de la..
but den.. even my mother also forgot to call me watch.. best thing is, she was watching it!! xD
i was 15 mins late for the show! grrr.. my he jun xiang!! :(
i also wan a devil leh! so shuai de devil.. haha! jkjk.. nah! dun wan devil.. i wan..
i wan.. i oso dunno wad i wan leh! i wan someone who got TOO MUCH TIME like the lao gong gong liddat one.. yah! den can pei me chat/ sms/ study or wadever.. den no need lao gong gong pei me le.. hmms.. not i dun wan him ahh! is he later not enough sleep =.=
hmms.. i ate breakfast wor! long time nv wake up eat breakfast le wor. hmms.. drunk soya milk in the morning.. den still got sushi in sch during recess and i ate 2 mouth of the.. dunno wad thing.. sticky sticky de rice with chicken or aomething.. BLEHH!! eat le feel like vomitting.. very full.. cos of medication? lols.. hmms..
and i`m back again.. at the back of the classroom AGAIN! i know i taller den others.. but teacher no need treat me so nice de bah? sit down there i dun mind de.. but den can hear the next class de teacher teaching oso lorr!! feel like shutting the next door teacher up! so noisy! i think.. was rahgesh xD
i got back my result slip today le. so nice lorr! 8.9.9.8.8.9.8 something liddat.. AH YAH! zhong er yan zhi only got 8 and 9 lah! err.. how am i gonna let my mom sign man.. i nv study oso nv take so GOOD de result be4 leh! wah lao~ it`s cos my class test i sleep.. some didn`t even go.. den nv add in.. xD so all gone.. LOL! liddat o lvl oso no need le lah..
hmms.. i got another chance to drop a sub.. my POA no good.. but i die die dun wan drop anything!! cos.. i need 1 humanities.. poa lorr.. den need 1 science.. F&N lorr.. chem and physics sure fail no need see. xD SOMEONE call me out phyco me study now pls!! i`ve gotta read more newspaper le lorr.. eng oso bad bad.. chi oso hopeless liao.. maths fail le.. sci no need see.. F&N die oso.. humanities worst! nv passed. HAIS! as i said.. i gave up.. my mom too..
she ask me after i took o lvls.. no need think of being at home all day long.. "go find yrself a job and den i no need give u money spend le! if u`re thinking of slacking, den move out..!"
this kinda mom very good?! o.O i WILL find a job to keep myself alive! somehow.. my maths no good now le.. but can teach lower sec de lorr!! my sec 2 sci at least got 82 ah! maths i practice till i got "zhi bi zhen" when i`m sec 2 that year.. soo soo stressful.. my tuition teacher cum cousin made me do like.. 200 simultanious equations.. so i can make it for lower sec maths de lorr! GRR! if not.. den go take private exam when i`m ready to study lah. have been in holiday mood since like.. sec 1 after that MS KHNG!! idert!! hmms..
LALALA!! i dunno le la..
jayven de gerger very notti ahh!! need some wacking liao!! eat milo powder xD stained the sofa and bed too? haha!! poor jayven gotta wash everything ehh? lols.. as i say, feed something else lah! keep all the "dangerous" things up high high! so she cant reach. haha. tomatoes!! lols.. i suggest this cos i thought of sportty! lols.. wo shi sportty de nai ma wor!! lols.. hmms, long time nv see him le.. next time feed him 'king`s mochi!!' my fav! hehes!! anyway.. yah! dogs so cute and cuddly~ i feel like hugging sportty now.. i missed him lorr! xD
YEEKUANNNN!!~ we visit jon`s house soon okokok!? i wan sporrtttyyy!! muahaha~ xD see if he still likes to chew on my hand! lols.. i`ll bring along some bones and buscuits for sportty de la! kekes!!
GER GER wan mum mum ma?!! aww too bad!! only sportty have!! who ask u notti anyhow eat!! haha..
kayys la.. nth to say le.. hope everyone ard me smiles.. like.. ah.. especially val wor!! hmms.. anything can tok to me de la lols.. i`m always free de.. as u know.. ^^
wan suicide can come find me.. i let u kill me.. haha.. jk..
CJWDDBT-LAjiaohuiRONGyuyuanMEI
1:03 AM
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Friday, June 23, 2006
like.. long time nv blog le ehh? hmms.. had been toking on the phone too much.. too tired to blog.. almost everyday slept at 6++ 7++ am. xD dunno i can hang on how long liddat.
ytd night forgotten to eat medicine. only popped 2 panadol for my "xiao hong".. made me soo painful ytd. haiis..
suay! everytime go PS everytime xiao hong come ka jiao. xD lucky i got put ah! xD but den no extra de.. bo biian.. still gotta buy.. xD wasted my $$ buying panadols..
ytd went k box with Al, val and yk.. i overslept! lols.. ps ah ppl! dun mean it de.. that night happen too many thing le.. kept on thinking bout it.. haiis..
after that went paragon see jack lorr.. val de idea xD not mine.. lol.. for fun de bah.. no where to go ma.. dun wu hui ahh..
hmms.. den after that chat on phone.. ke lian de decent b.. bei wo wu ran chen da se muo liao! xD jk.. haiis.. anyway mux thank this person ahh.. pei me sms craps and tok on phone.. although tok on phone de topic also craps la.. xD very entertaining le bah..
dunno why ytd felt soo moody.. at first i was feeling all alone.. sitting in front of the comp den dun feel like doing anything.. so bored.. and irritated by dunno wad thingiess. den dunno which idert called me wan me chat on phone.. he got scolded.. xD
kinda.. feel sorry ahh.. i mean.. i rather spend my time with girl toking on phone den HIM! cheh!
THAT PERSON oso quite kiam pa one.. xD too bad she`s too far away to be reached.. haha! msged her, said good nite.. ask her careful of bed bugs blah blah blah.. den she say my bed den got bed bugs ahh! den like.. when i got home.. i lay down on my bed for awhile cod tired mahh.. den dunno wadda hell happen..
RIGHT AFTER i bathe.. came out of the toilet.. went back onto my bed to lay down and make phone call, I FELT ITCHY! den got rashes le.. isit bed bugs? or juz.. rashes?! xD suai zhui ba!
hmms.. well.. she`s cute! short short de.. xD like val, me and al wonders.. how is it like to kiss someone 1 head + shorter den u? xD for al is, how is it like to kiss someone 1 head taller den u lorr. HAHA~ AL better grow taller ahh! later gf dun wan u! lol..
going to m`sia soon le.. still got about 5 hrs den going outta the house le.. taking my dad's car.. going to borrow all my techno CDs.. den. yaah.. to make sure he dun sleep. xD
dunno wan bring jacket or not.. june not that cold de right? xD
yupps.. who wan prezzies?! haha.. i`ll try to get lah ya? den.. hopefully, i see the nike jersey i wanted to buy for someone that time.. cost 198rm isit? or isit 200++.. lol! i oso dunno whyyy so ex la.. but the someone will look so ham-some wearing that! lols.. but den.. see see nia la.. not planning to buy it le.. =)
wad can i buy for u all leh... *think think* hmms..
chewing gums or bubble gums ah?! sian... or key chains is it?! it`s jux a neighbouring country man.. haha.. i see wad i can buy lah! hopefully can drop by "muo gu yuan"- mushroom garden for lunch tmr afternoon.. kekes.. *yummy!*
toot & val>> i`ll drop by genting de b.u.m city or whereever and tell u where got nice nice de clothes suit u de. =) speacial yi dian! believe my taste man!~ i like to see shuai girls and shui ges.. so i know HOW TO DRESS UP A GIRL LIKE GUY!no la.. i meant what to where or what goes with what den nice.. =) hahaha.. make it more shuai and speacial =) den end of year go shopping in malaysia k!?! =) miss ya!
yk mei>> takkare of yrself and..... yah.. haha.. u know what i wanna sae le horr? =) i will buy things back for u de la.. dun worry. lols.. miss ya!!
jack>> takkare dun smoke too much lorr..
al>> U SING GREAT! muahaha! miss ya too~ =)
6:08 AM
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
shoot dao wo biian bian.. bwg. grrrr...
like long time nv blog le ooh.. hmms.. had been spending my time crappin on fone and in irc.. so bored lately.. fish fish fish oso.. lols.. meant.. OZ.. xD
kiam and ji-leng playing oso.. jack and jayven... hmms.. pei me go in see see few mins nia.. XP
haiis yo yoooo~ i`m shooo bored.. hmms..
ah val brought me the 'mr.bean' de dunno wad thingiee.. TUNA FLAVOUR! omg.. think le wanna pukee ahh! but den.. bo biian.. nv eat anything.. xD den i eat lorr.. but den.. quite nice lah LOL!! taste like.. tuna sandwich? xD hmms.. yah..
i dunno what i mux do.. i`m not that nice person bah? why why why!! haiis.. everything is so fucked up now.. so so irritating.. things keep poping up in my mind.. all negative thingiees.. dun wanna think.. dun feel like thinking..
dun wait for me.. not worth it.. really not worth it.. i feel guilty when u cry.. i dun wanna see u cry.. but den it`s like.. as a friend lorr.. xD HAIIS!! wo bu zhi dao le lah..
12:06 PM
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Thursday, June 15, 2006
I dunno what the hell has gotten into me.. i kept thinking of the past.. haiis.. i jux sent u am sms.. asked if u missed me.. u asked me why i always send this kinda sms? cos.. i cannot xi guan dun send u these kinda sms lorr.. understand? haiis..
well.. yah.. alot of things happened.. too much things le.. didn`t expect yk to ask me give up too.. yes i know it`s very long since u gave up on me le.. and yah.. very long since we ended.. but den there`s always a chance bah? hmms.. mayb yes.. mayb no.. thats wad u told me.. :(
errms.. ah ya.. i only know horr.. thought not together lahh.. hope u can lemme treat u like.. yah.. like last time lorr.. hmms..
-plan change bah..-
i saw yr nick.. ermms.. think thats not me bah? hmms.. i dunno.. if it was.. na gai duo hao.. anyway.. now that u know wad u wan le.. good =) happie for u bah.. haiis.. hmms. think i blog till here le..
6:55 AM
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006
horoscope for today: Whoever you've been thinking about has been thinking about you too. Call them.
In detail : Your mind is taking on some psychic powers! The person you've been so often (and so ardently) thinking about has been picking up on your vibes -- and is thinking about you too. Now isn't the right time to move forward with this relationship, but take note of their change in attitude toward you. There may be some conspicuous avoidance on their part -- could they be shy? Go slowly with this, and make it clear that you just want to get to know them a little better -- for now.
Hmms.. i`ve been thinking bout u* lorr.. really thinking bout me too ma? lols.. i dun dare call u* la.. i know u`re with yr friends.. like every other day.. u have no time for me. sobz..
Yeah.. i agree bah.. though i am waiting for u*.. but this is not the day to get into r/s with u* yet.. i know that u still have a lot of probs borthering u*.. hmms.. change of attitude.. i hope for a change of BETTER one lorr. lols. yeah.. shy.. :)
Hmms.. i slept only at 8+ am this morning.. omg. yes. i`m having a pair of panda eyes on now. lol. ytd u* were toking to someone else.. i called u in GB. but i die die oso nv ans me.. i say i go call my ai ren but den like.. nv lorr. haha. cos hands busy playing GB. dun wanna disturb u.. cos like.. jealous.. haha! but den.. yah.. lazy to call other ppl.. though i`m suppose to call someone.. Jack..
HAISS!! zhen shi fan nao ah.. why the one i love dun love me.. but the one i NEVER expect to love me likes me leh!!? i though we were jux like.. friends lorr.. cos he has so so much common with u* lorr. hais yo yoooo~ and the STUPID thing is.. i thought u really 'pb' leh. but u end up like.. jk jk nia.. wadda hell.
haiis.. complicating lah.. i dun wanna try replacing others jux cos i get nth for loving him* so so hard.. mayb, yes.. i tried le.. no use.. i dun wanna feel guilty again.. i say le lah.. my heart now got no one else and will not have anyone even got space for that bah.. not i dun wan go with u .. is like.. all of a sudden tell me all these.. all of a sudden each of our life got this 2 ppl.. mayb lao tian ye trying to test us bah.. i dunno if u wld accept anyone.. but atleast i know that u had given me chances be4.. is me who took it for granted. i`m sorry.
As i say.. i`ll leave everything to u*.. i dunno wad the outcome will be.. i dun wanna give it a guess too.. u decided yr life.. but pls.. make the right choice.. if only we have more time to be together.. :\
Gan qing shi ke yi pei yang de.. to -u know who- (if u r reading my blog).. this things.. the things that u`ve told me.. yr godbro had already said them.. u can ask him wad i did.. i ignored everything.. if so easy pei yang.. den the more i shall wait for my him* bah.. i will not be with someone jux to replace or forget or pei yang gan qing anymore.. i know -u know who- will understand.. u r too much like my him* le.. it`s a good thing.. cos i really miss him* but he has no time for me.. thx for being there the whole night ytd.. i really feel like crying when u say "xiang ku jiu ku chu lai bah" but i can`t.. crying is only a childish act to "reduce stress" bah.. hmms.. but i do think that.. the more i cry.. the more the stress wld be there..
so.. yah.. my life is so mixed up.. i cld only sleep with the jacket there. haiis.. so cold.. so soo cold..
-u know who- >> yes.. u and him* really ALOT of common de.. nose allergy thinggie.. joke joke attitude.. hmms.. lols.. yes.. him* and yr ex oso ALOT in common horr? hahas.. leg thinggie. LOL~ shhh.. dun reveal their secrets here bah.. anyway.. yah.. my final conclution is.. u`re like him when i 1st know him*.. lol.. s0 easy high de horr? oopsiee!~ lols.. xD dance~ lalala..
dun xi huan wo.. dui ni mei hao chu de.. wo bu xiang zhai you ge ren ku ku deng dai, ying wei wo ye zhai ku ku de deng dai ling yi ge ren le..
toot^kia>> i thought u wanted to call us ytd!! we waited soo long lorr! xD dou shi ni de chuo laaaaa~ hai wo men liang ge ren pai seh dao yao si.. lols.. suddenly xiang dao ni de new nick.. cum gong kia. HAHA!! =X
yeekuan>> wo ai de ni ya wo ai de ni.. ni zhai na li ya zhai na li? LOL~ xD
U*>> pls takkare of urself.. i see u liddat i very xing ku.. i noe alot of things happened.. jia you ooh~.. rem, sat night.. be4 9pm mux reach my hse!! xD thats if u wan la~
peng you men~ duo duo bao zhong!! ai si ni men le~
7:05 AM
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Tuesday, June 13, 2006
i am sad.. can anione tell me wad to do?
my friend is cutting herself cos she love someone till very xin ku.
that someone is my ex.. but i cannot get over him yet..
i`m waiting for my ex.. still waiting..
but.. feelings faded le.. he loves me no more.. i understand..
but i told myself.. i will wait for the day feelings come back..
but.. think very hard bah.. with my damm temper and irritating ways of trying to make others laugh.. i feel like a jerk..
i know.. many ppl will say i am stupid.. but dats wad i wanna do..
i know.. love is selfish.. it is suppose to be.. but wad if u already treat the friend like a sister to u.. worry if she will fall sick and all that stuff.. to me.. if my sisters need anything.. things which i have.. they need.. i can give them if i can lorr.. but now?
How am i suppose to give her the person i love? the person i am waiting for..
i won`t hate that friend.. cos she did nothing.. she fell in love with the same person i did.. thats all..
Break le.. u* got freedom to go and love whoever u wan.. but make sure.. it`s the one u really love.. and really loves u.. i know my friend loves u.. u wld not say that she loves u more den i do.. jux dat mayb we love the same person a diff way.. she spends more time with him* den i do.. they have much interest in common.. they hang out everyday.. so it`s like.. a everyday thing for them bah..
FRIEND- think about this.. if u mistook companionship for love, the outcome will jux b like mine.. guilt.. if u can tell me str8 in my face that "yes, i love him* and i can love him* more den u do.." den i`ll leave u 2 alone.. i will.. cos i know.. someone love him.. more den i do.. will cherish him more den me.. will give him happiness and fun and laughter.. will give him wad he wans.. mayb even things i`ve fail to provide him with.. if thats the case.. he will b happier.. not so much stress more le bah.. that wld b better for u and her.. :)
I still love u* alot.. i will still wait.. will cling onto u till the day u do not want me to bug u anymore.. i wld still pray for ur happiness..
Although i`m not christian, i believe, anything.. i mean.. god, angels.. wadever.. will hear wad i prayed.. and help me.. i prayed to them.. to xchange my happiee with ur sad.. i will live tru it.. mayb with tears.. alone.. hurts and pains.. but i will live on with it.. till the day we both can b happie.. together..
We do not always have time to b together alone.. cos u have other things to do.. friends.. work.. alot of things bah.. u`re always busy.. did u ever missed me when u were with them? did u ever missed me when i didn`t sms u? i do.. although u always dun sms me.. but i miss u.. when i`m busy.. with anything.. i keep wondering wad u doing.. had lunch or not.. wad u eat.. wad time sleep ytd.. later wake up become panda.. blah blah.. alot.. hmms.. i tried to keep every single thing of urs and mine in my diary.. pic.. letters.. all from last time..
like jayven said.. no point hoping for someone to b in yr life.. but thats wad i wan.. to hope for u.. wad i hope for.. now, is that u smile.. trouble free.. dun too stressed up.. cherish and to b cherished.. love and to b loved.. happiness.. i anything le..
if there is anything i cld do for u, tell me.. i`ll make sure i get it done somehow.. someday.. i told my friend today.. "we`re jux friends.. i got ppl i like le lorr! waiting is tiring.. fang xin bah.."
after i said that.. i wonder.. if she will tell u she love u.. and that she really do.. i wan u to know that she is dere.. she loves u..
don cos of me dun dare to love again..
don worry.. i`m fine.. actually.. all i expect from u now.. is clear le bah.. to b smiling.. if u love me.. but dun wanna b with me.. dunno wad reason.. atleast, let me know that u love me.. i want yr hugs and kisses.. i missed them.. :( badly..
if feelings for me had gone to other ppl.. like i asked if u like someone.. yr ans was "its for me to guess and for me to know.." so i take that as u have someone in mind.. if feelings gone to that person le.. i understand de.. i know de..
yes bah.. type all these in blog later pressure u again.. but, how am i going to express my feelings out? when i am bored.. down.. nothing to do.. no one there for me.. i can only turn to blogs and my diaries.. my hp.. full of my feelings.. jux dat u nv seen it.. not in blogs or my diary.. no one.. other den me knows..
if u`re tired no matter due to wad reason.. mayb u love someone like i love u.. hmms.. yah.. come to me bah.. i lend u shoulder.. i`ll be there.. no matter for wad la.. my hp no. will nv change.. cos i finally got a name for my no. in yr hp..
say le so much.. hope u know that i see u so xin ku now.. guilt or sad or confuse or wad i dunno.. i know u dun like ppl guess de.. see u liddat i very heart pain.. rem when u showed me yr blue black.. i didn`t know why i acted that way.. haiis.. like be4.. i know i`m going overseas le.. means cannot contact u for days.. to u, now is nothing le.. to me.. is alot lol.. i cried like a baby.. like be4.. but this time.. no one is going to call me "sha gua" and wipe tears away anymore. :) tissue bah.. i have.. hmms..
think dats all le.. yk, remember wad i tell u horr.. help me k. thx..
-bennuren-
xi wang ni xing fu..
ai he bei ai..
7:16 AM
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Sunday, June 04, 2006
Why do ppl think dat a r/s will affect studies? one of my friend says, cos they dunno wad is needed in a r/s.
i think so too.. companionship.. encouragenent.. everything to me.. but.. haiis. lols.
why!? all i wan is a steady r/s.. go out no need spend too much.. no need everyday.. cannot go library or somewhere study even have exam on? why only think that "ohh.. no time de.. later she/he wan go here and there den won study de.. waste time.. later i fail how?! wads more important?"
i think it`s bullshiit. hahas.. 2 ppl together mean fun fun fun? no..
mayb it`s cos.. my other 1/2 doesn`t have confidence in me.. i too wanna pass my o lvls. why dun u understand!! xD nvm nvm.. understood.. haiis.. i`ll wait.. i know dats a rival.. blah blah..
imagine.. someone i trusted bcame friend with the one i think is rival(THINK IS ONLY HORR).. lied to me that she was with friends but dun tell me she was with them..
i thot that my trusted one din know her*.. so going to meet them ytd night isn`t gonna be much of a prob.. i thot my trusted one know why i dun wanna b too close with ppl who is close with the one i love but doesn`t love me.. i thot she know.. :)
Now i know that there are alot of things i dunno le.. alot alot.. all i wan is to b with u.. i see u stress i oso.. and, my dear TRUSTED ONE.. tell the girl, if she realli like the one i love, say it out. not i dun wan b friend with her.. i oso duno wad i`m thinking.. but ask her rem to cherish, treasure and dun make her angry.. yah.. crap bah.. den.. hmms.. accompany her play bball lorr.. study blah blah blah.. make her feel needed.. :)
i`m already in no place to say le lah.. but den.. yah.. i wan "jiao dai" de things all here le bah.. dun b childish like i did.. dun expect him to keep smsing u or call u all day like other ppl.. dun keep bugging him.. let him have his time to do his own things.. and be understanding.. dun be like me.. i took the wrong step and now.. "zhuo you mao dun"
Dun dare to even hug him anymore.. dun dare to speak bout our past.. dun dare to remind him bout anything.. and so, i understand y he deleted me from his hp contacts.. :) i will try to get u* back to me but it`s up to u to believe and gimme the chance to prove that our r/s will NOT b like be4.. a more stable and mature and understanding one.. and it will not affet our studies de.. till feelings come back, hopefully faster be4 u like someone else.. i`ll wait..
but i really sae till u have ppl in mind.. i wanna know who.. :( can i? as a friend or as a stranger to u :'(
-*[[mayiloveuu*?]]*- dunch leave me pls..
6:42 AM
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Friday, June 02, 2006
HAPPIEE BIRTHDAY EDWIN~
hmms.. todae, chat with cousins bout a lot of things.. and i know dat i oso missed alot of things.. haha.. all of them grow up le.. cheng, dada, taco, and niu nai.. haiis.. only me haven grow up.. still so childish bah.. haha.. they grow up as in.. relationship lorr.. they know how to handle le bahs.. even if he gotta break up with her on v.day, he stood up right telling us that it`s not her fault.. haiis..
he had promised her not to cry in front of her.. he didn`t.. he cried in front of us.. well.. not purposly lahh.. but i saw his tears.. seriously, why dun we cherish our loved ones? and den regret it after dat? everyone had experience liddat.. but who will know the ans?? hmmms...
As for dada, hmms.. DADA BIIAN SHUAI LE WOR~ SHUAI GE NEHH~ lols.. even if he not shuai until ppl will go.. "WHOA~~ SEE!! SEE!! SHUAI GEE~~~" but den.. atleast he made me say he bian shuai ge liiao.. lols.. hmms.. jia you wor.. long time nv see u le. take pic oso dun wan take.. excuse for not taking is cos u ugly =.= diiaoo~ kiam pa..
hmms.. taco.. got gf le.. lols.. mux cherish ahh.. 1/2 year le.. dun be like me.. haiis.. jia you for O lvls too~ dun end up hopeless and helpless like me. LOL~ wan study can always gimme a call.. although i not good lorr. hahaha~ got notes mux fen xiang!!
nai niu! mature a bit lahh~ lol.. grown up le.. dun worry man.. yr sch no one crush on u nvm.. outside will have de.. u r a good guy.. trust me.. hahas.
lols.. they are more like pals to me.. i know them well.. so sometimes.. xD i dunno how to put it..
hais.. ppl who dunno how to cherish them.. haiis~ nth to say.. hou hui ye tai chi le..
bout myself lehh.. though in our conversation got alot of things i say they agree de.. but i still think i only 1 haven grow up. haiis.. still wanting them to make me roll on floor.. still wanting them to tease me like small kid bah? LOL hmms.. missed the times back then bah.. everyone so crappy.. so annoying xD lol.. so funneh oso. every weekend.. 288 bball court.. haha.. den taco house.. all the energy music.. k one.. 5566.. lols.. we were the closest wor~~
but den.. now.. i was dragged down alot le.. go out with friends more le.. tok on fone.. online play maple.. chat.. blahh.. den haiis. shu yuan liiao.. haha~ anyway.. you shi zhao wo!! mei shi ye ke yi zhao wo!! lol.
same goes to all my friends bah.. sin ying steady pom pipi de.. jux that sometimes thing do pop out and den ruin everything.. lols..
for yiyang lehh.. hmms.. i dunno wadda say lah.. but.. i wan to go back to the time we cannot seperate.. like glue liddat~ lols.. i went to read yr blog the other day.. the older ones.. april2005 de.. read everything.. from that time de till now de.. and i realised it`s my fault.. my mistake actually.. now i wan 'mi bu' everything.. but dun have chance le.. hope u can fall for me again.. i cannot get over u lorr.. cousins all ask me.. "den u can get over him not?" 1 or 2 say "can de lah~ not 1st stead wad!!" the others listen..
"no.. cannot.. *tear dropped* haiis.. *whipps* i oso dunno wad to do.."
"ah yah.. cry oso no use.. he oso dunno u crying.. find someone who know how to love u"
"if that easy to get over i will.. if steading with some1 who loves me deeply helps i will.. i tried liiao.. cannot help.. haiis~"
den i started to sing "till i get over u".. by christina mailian i think.. den start to tear a bit.. but den.. taco made fun of it den make us laff like hell~ hahaha.. taco forever happiee de.. but sometimes i wonder if he stress de.. even if he does, he uses a funny and joking manner to tell us.. :) ni zhen haoo..
wo hen xing fu.. although the one i love dun love me le.. but he did not forbid me from loving him.. hmms.. try to woo back bah? lols.. change myself.. to the perfect one for him.. haiis..
i have cousins to make me burst into laffter.. got god mama and god papa to encourage me actually.. my godpapa made me know how important and wad points i have.. he made me moved on.. :) bout my cutting and not going home thing.. he understands them well..
"yr parents doesn`t know how to say sorry.. that is their mistake and it`s their problem.. dun care bout them cos i believe u have yr problems too?"
"i feel that they dun love me.."
"if they don love u still got other ppl.. like me and yr godmama.. if we dun love u i wun b toking to u here.. if yihong 1/2 like u, so independent good le.. haiis.. u have yr own good points.. u have to let them know it.. they r busy.. they see u only at home.. so they dunno how good u r compared to other ppl's children.."
see~ my godpapa nice right? :) next time he old le i dun mind taking care of him and my god mama~ :) but i know my godbro and sis will de~ lols.
hmms.. hao bah.. wo hui rang ni kan dao wo biian le.. i realliee did.. :) hope to spend more time with u.. and oso my cousin.. den yah.. :) lols.
we will b togethere de..
11:11 AM
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Thursday, June 01, 2006
Yes.. i`m gonna cry for many many days..
mayb carve a lil'bit..
mayb torture myself a lil'bit..
den get over it..
hmms.. yupp.. i mean it..
u can leave wadever is not necessary for u and go off free..
every pieces of memories..
i`ll take them with me.. i wun remind it to u again..
dun cos of me dun dare love other ppl again..
though i might hate that someone.. but i`ll get over it.. dunno when but i will..
i know u have been enjoying the companionship ur friend or someone else had given u..
but.. as a frien or not.. have u thought of where i am?
for all the days, believe it or not.. when i`m alone.. i have been trying to regard u as my frien..
but i ended up crying pitifully everytime..
even now i still am.. i have the anger in me..
i dunno how to cure it.. carve will help?
i will nv cut deeply.. yes.. i ham ji bah..
nvm bout it le.. i will jux take everything alone bah..
i know u fall for ppl easily.. i know u will love her alot de..
pls.. whoever it is.. make sure she cherish u..
someppl might think i post all these to grab ur attention..
i dunno if i am doing it.. if this is wad i have to do to make u look into my eyes again i will..
but i dun think this is all i have to do..
u might fall for someone easily but i know for u to fall for someone again is very diff..
so i dare not try..
haha.. i`ll keep our things low..
dun wan show other ppl that u have some irritating childish freak to bug u bah?
hmms.. won`t de..
i`ll do what u want me to do. everything.. even if now u`re the one who wanna cut my wirst.. i`ll let u do it.. hmms..
no matter wad.. everytime i sign in my msn.. i see yr last time de msn.. haha.. so sweet back then.. in my memories le.. haha..
can see it whenever i want to.. glad enough..
nvm.. everything i bring with me.. no matter i`ll b alive or dead.. wo hui ba quan bu de hui yi dai zhou de.. :) fang xin..
i added yr testi.. asked u wait.. i delete le.. i delete our pic oso.. haha. dun make ppl wu hui lahh.. liddat everyone know me liiao.. the good for nth childish irritating freak!! lols.
yah.. lately very hard to understand me? i oso dun understand myself.. cos i lai ang bah? lols.. excuses haiis.. nvm.. mayb yr counsellor only dun wan see u sad and stressed up or smth.. yah u are right.. after i choose to b yr frien, cos i wanna try my luck again bah.. cos u told me feelings did came back!! but i got rid of it again.. :'( haiis. nvm nvm.. so, yah i wanted to b yr frien.. willing to take the stress and pain to become yr frien.. but all u replied wad "den dun be." LOL~ so painful lehh.. shuan le bah.. haiis.. haha.. listening to jia gei wo.. and thinking of 220406. 0822pm. my happiest moment after every quarrels.. didn`t expect yr feelings to fade dao wan liao.. 0.00% left of feelings for me.. i really dunno u dun love me le.. thats y u reject me everytime.. that is oso the thing i was trying hard to find out after asking u all the irritating questionns.. haha.. finally u told me the ans..
although.. yah.. hurt is comfirmed.. but atleast i know wad i do oso no use le? is me again..
that time u love me a lot.. i dunno how to cherish.. my fot.. now again.. u wanna b my frien.. giving me a chance to prove to u dat i did change better but u see the wrong me.. prove to u that i did a lot to get u back.. prove to u a lot of things.. but too late again.. when i regret le.. say ok.. b yr frien.. u.. haiis. my fot again le..
everything is wo zhi zao de. cannot blame anyone.. ni tai stress le.. wo liao jie.. so, thats y i say leave everything to me..
next time u see me, wan say hi not, wan wave not, wan joke not.. all u decide bah :)
i won cry in front of u or beg u or anything liiao.. cos i tried and i know it`s of no use at all.. haha.. toopid of me. lols.. that time u asked me "den how?" i shld have said "dun wan break "
now oso too late le bah? nvm..today de moon look sharp to me.. got 2 sharp ends.. hmms.... lols..
i will still continue the plan i planned.. but think i will change the subtitles a bit lorr.. haha.. may that b the last thing i do for u bah. :)
7:02 AM
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