{PROLOGUE}

TOHSINYING.yzanne *]]
attached & unavaliable *]]
Going 16 soon *]]
17 sep 90 *]]
Naval base secondary *]]
Food & Nutrition *]]
hand chimes *]]
i love and am loved *]]
gaga over uu *]]
crazy for uu *]]
hyper passive *]]
easily low too *]]
smile *]]
i`m happy with what i have ^^*]]

[x] to love and to be loved - }}
[x] to be cherished & doted - }}
to be understood - }}
[x] not to think too much - }}
no one nothing will stop me - }}
[x] not to be yixiangqingyuan - }}
[x] be cared and concerned - }}
no heartbreaks - }}
[x] not be cheated - }}
[x] not to be zhizuoduoqing - }}
[x] be missed - }}
no medication - }}
w 900 i - }}
N 80 - }}
MP3 - }}
2 GB MMC for w900i - }}
plastic cover for w550i - }}
new headset for w550i - }}
new pierce - }}

Jessica aka kakacrunch }}
Jayven aka toot^kia `baby }}
YeeKuan aka Angeline `mei }}
shaun aka kai xin guo }}
KY- aka fei mao }}
Val 09 aka cOwkimOo `kor }}
k-zai aka heimawangzi }}
Alison aka CrabisOn }}
Candy aka konghuilian }}
Jia wei aka lavanderr `nanny }}
Fanne aka Fannanna }}
kelson aka lemon boy }}
Rainy aka bbaby`x }}
Vashonz`14 aka xBabYx TigGeR }}
sinying`s happiness }}
What i did, for love.. }}

Afianne
37pence
Juvenile Casualty
Squared Pretties
Getty
 
October 2004[x] December 2004[x] January 2005[x] March 2005[x] April 2005[x] May 2005[x] June 2005[x] July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x]

i am sad.. can anione tell me wad to do?
my friend is cutting herself cos she love someone till very xin ku.
that someone is my ex.. but i cannot get over him yet..
i`m waiting for my ex.. still waiting..
but.. feelings faded le.. he loves me no more.. i understand..
but i told myself.. i will wait for the day feelings come back..
but.. think very hard bah.. with my damm temper and irritating ways of trying to make others laugh.. i feel like a jerk..
i know.. many ppl will say i am stupid.. but dats wad i wanna do..

i know.. love is selfish.. it is suppose to be.. but wad if u already treat the friend like a sister to u.. worry if she will fall sick and all that stuff.. to me.. if my sisters need anything.. things which i have.. they need.. i can give them if i can lorr.. but now?
How am i suppose to give her the person i love? the person i am waiting for..
i won`t hate that friend.. cos she did nothing.. she fell in love with the same person i did.. thats all..

Break le.. u* got freedom to go and love whoever u wan.. but make sure.. it`s the one u really love.. and really loves u.. i know my friend loves u.. u wld not say that she loves u more den i do.. jux dat mayb we love the same person a diff way.. she spends more time with him* den i do.. they have much interest in common.. they hang out everyday.. so it`s like.. a everyday thing for them bah..

FRIEND- think about this.. if u mistook companionship for love, the outcome will jux b like mine.. guilt.. if u can tell me str8 in my face that "yes, i love him* and i can love him* more den u do.." den i`ll leave u 2 alone.. i will.. cos i know.. someone love him.. more den i do.. will cherish him more den me.. will give him happiness and fun and laughter.. will give him wad he wans.. mayb even things i`ve fail to provide him with.. if thats the case.. he will b happier.. not so much stress more le bah.. that wld b better for u and her.. :)

I still love u* alot.. i will still wait.. will cling onto u till the day u do not want me to bug u anymore.. i wld still pray for ur happiness..

Although i`m not christian, i believe, anything.. i mean.. god, angels.. wadever.. will hear wad i prayed.. and help me.. i prayed to them.. to xchange my happiee with ur sad.. i will live tru it.. mayb with tears.. alone.. hurts and pains.. but i will live on with it.. till the day we both can b happie.. together..

We do not always have time to b together alone.. cos u have other things to do.. friends.. work.. alot of things bah.. u`re always busy.. did u ever missed me when u were with them? did u ever missed me when i didn`t sms u? i do.. although u always dun sms me.. but i miss u.. when i`m busy.. with anything.. i keep wondering wad u doing.. had lunch or not.. wad u eat.. wad time sleep ytd.. later wake up become panda.. blah blah.. alot.. hmms.. i tried to keep every single thing of urs and mine in my diary.. pic.. letters.. all from last time..

like jayven said.. no point hoping for someone to b in yr life.. but thats wad i wan.. to hope for u.. wad i hope for.. now, is that u smile.. trouble free.. dun too stressed up.. cherish and to b cherished.. love and to b loved.. happiness.. i anything le..

if there is anything i cld do for u, tell me.. i`ll make sure i get it done somehow.. someday.. i told my friend today.. "we`re jux friends.. i got ppl i like le lorr! waiting is tiring.. fang xin bah.."
after i said that.. i wonder.. if she will tell u she love u.. and that she really do.. i wan u to know that she is dere.. she loves u..

don cos of me dun dare to love again..

don worry.. i`m fine.. actually.. all i expect from u now.. is clear le bah.. to b smiling.. if u love me.. but dun wanna b with me.. dunno wad reason.. atleast, let me know that u love me.. i want yr hugs and kisses.. i missed them.. :( badly..
if feelings for me had gone to other ppl.. like i asked if u like someone.. yr ans was "its for me to guess and for me to know.." so i take that as u have someone in mind.. if feelings gone to that person le.. i understand de.. i know de..

yes bah.. type all these in blog later pressure u again.. but, how am i going to express my feelings out? when i am bored.. down.. nothing to do.. no one there for me.. i can only turn to blogs and my diaries.. my hp.. full of my feelings.. jux dat u nv seen it.. not in blogs or my diary.. no one.. other den me knows..

if u`re tired no matter due to wad reason.. mayb u love someone like i love u.. hmms.. yah.. come to me bah.. i lend u shoulder.. i`ll be there.. no matter for wad la.. my hp no. will nv change.. cos i finally got a name for my no. in yr hp..

say le so much.. hope u know that i see u so xin ku now.. guilt or sad or confuse or wad i dunno.. i know u dun like ppl guess de.. see u liddat i very heart pain.. rem when u showed me yr blue black.. i didn`t know why i acted that way.. haiis.. like be4.. i know i`m going overseas le.. means cannot contact u for days.. to u, now is nothing le.. to me.. is alot lol.. i cried like a baby.. like be4.. but this time.. no one is going to call me "sha gua" and wipe tears away anymore. :) tissue bah.. i have.. hmms..

think dats all le.. yk, remember wad i tell u horr.. help me k. thx..






-bennuren-
xi wang ni xing fu..
ai he bei ai..

7:16 AM

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