{PROLOGUE}

TOHSINYING.yzanne *]]
attached & unavaliable *]]
Going 16 soon *]]
17 sep 90 *]]
Naval base secondary *]]
Food & Nutrition *]]
hand chimes *]]
i love and am loved *]]
gaga over uu *]]
crazy for uu *]]
hyper passive *]]
easily low too *]]
smile *]]
i`m happy with what i have ^^*]]

[x] to love and to be loved - }}
[x] to be cherished & doted - }}
to be understood - }}
[x] not to think too much - }}
no one nothing will stop me - }}
[x] not to be yixiangqingyuan - }}
[x] be cared and concerned - }}
no heartbreaks - }}
[x] not be cheated - }}
[x] not to be zhizuoduoqing - }}
[x] be missed - }}
no medication - }}
w 900 i - }}
N 80 - }}
MP3 - }}
2 GB MMC for w900i - }}
plastic cover for w550i - }}
new headset for w550i - }}
new pierce - }}

Jessica aka kakacrunch }}
Jayven aka toot^kia `baby }}
YeeKuan aka Angeline `mei }}
shaun aka kai xin guo }}
KY- aka fei mao }}
Val 09 aka cOwkimOo `kor }}
k-zai aka heimawangzi }}
Alison aka CrabisOn }}
Candy aka konghuilian }}
Jia wei aka lavanderr `nanny }}
Fanne aka Fannanna }}
kelson aka lemon boy }}
Rainy aka bbaby`x }}
Vashonz`14 aka xBabYx TigGeR }}
sinying`s happiness }}
What i did, for love.. }}

Afianne
37pence
Juvenile Casualty
Squared Pretties
Getty
 
October 2004[x] December 2004[x] January 2005[x] March 2005[x] April 2005[x] May 2005[x] June 2005[x] July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x]

i didn`t cut myself, KY-.. i didn`t. really didn`t..
cox, it`s a promise.. the 1st promise i`ve made with her.. i`m trying hard not to break it.. cox, she dislikes broken promises.. mayb, i shall thank KY for giving me the blue black actually. THAT instant was a fast relive of my pain too. then, thank u all for being there, playing batminton, on music and stuff. crapped and 'ren' my weird temper so long.

Don`t know how to speak with this feeling in me. I want to know that she`s cheating me. She isn`t attached. She`s just waiting for her ex. She wanted me to go cox she doesn`t want me hurt. But if thats true, she doesn`t know, i`m hurt when she ask me to go. haiis.. i don`t know already lahs. like her pm in msn, just be happy.
How am i going to?

I received an sms in the middle of the night. I saw it only in the morning at ard 7am.
"xiao tian shi song wo yi zhong dong xi, jiao xiao rong. ta yao wo ba xiao rong song gei le yi ge ren. na ge ren shi shui ne? jiu shi xian zai kan zhe shou ji bian xiao bian gan dong de na ge ren... xi wang xiao rong hui chang ban ni lian shang! =p" -i didn`t change a word. jus typed it in pinyin form only.

i replied.
"^^<

i type le, was like.. crying. :( mayb morning more emotional bahs. i remember how she would be thinking of things, then i`ll place the chnl U finger near to her lips.. and she would give me a 'sha xiao'. haiis..hmms.. ta de sha xiao yi bu shu yu ben dan.. shu yu bie ren le..

zhen de hen xin ku. i oso dunno what i wanted from her. i dunno what i wanted. til now, this very moment, i`m still waiting for her to sms me. well, atleast in msn she asked if i ate. she asked me dun bluff her.

Today is my mom and dad de 17th wedding aniversary. grats !
they went to makan a big big feast with my dad de friens. the food was nice lahs.. but no mood really.. then, sis ka jiao me when i`m typing sms to send baby. then i shouted. think mom wasn`t very happy with me too. then dad didn`t say anything. mom only say"yr eye liner make u look like panda." i was like.. PANDA!! T-T panda.. wo hao xiang nian sha gua xiong mao!!
my table de those words.. wanted to erase them off de.. but really bu she de.. and.. cannot be erased.. thought the pen can rub away de. in the end cannot. and i don`t want to too. was dramatic in class on fri.. crying.. then ang ang came and read the words.. "sha gua xiong mao".. i was like.. crying out more lahH!! lols. palm was holding onto the words.. but i know i cannot hold on cox... she don`t wan to.. haiis.. dunno lahs..

Drink a bit ytd night. dunno why very easy seh diao lately. 1 can heneiken, a bit of red wine. cannot make it liao. go throw rubbish like.. whoa!! mux hold onto something.. haiis.. i know i`m not suppose to drink.. cox she told me not to.. cox my liver de things.. then.. i did.. cox i was thinking, val say le, she oso dun care me.. i die le dunno she will cry not oso -.-"
off my hp silent.. she got sms me.. ask me not to watch the show till cry.. well.. the show is 9 o clock. the time she sms me was 11 plus le.. then.. she ask me how i am.. i didn`t know how to ans her.. i was like.. "how u den how me lorr lols!!" hmms.. yupps.. she`s happy jiu hao.. hmms.. i`ve found out a way to be smaller in size. hiak hiak!! val told me wad byan did..

soak yrself in ICY ICY COLD water and ICE~
then the bones, joins, watever will contract. isit? hmms.. i wanna try.. but.. my house no bathtub!! lols.. nvm.. if there`s a will, there`s a way..

didn`t dare to ask if she got miss me.. cox..
290706-
*blah blah- in front got whole load of crap*
wo bu gan zhi dao ni dui ta shuo de shi fou shi zhen xin hua.you nuu peng you le, yao zhen xi ! bu neng zhai xiang wo le o! i`ve nv said i`ll wait. if i found someone be4 u got over, or someone u love, i`ll go too. yao xin fu ! yao ha ha da xiao! xi huan yi ge ren yao da shen shuo chu lai! yao da shen dui ta shuo ai ta wo!! bu yke yi pian wo o!!

thats what i sent her. hmms..
i dun dare to know.. cox i want to believe that all thats untrue.. got gf liao mux cherish, cox.. she said, no matter what.. 'sha gua hui hen zhen xi teng ai ben dan zhu tou de'.. last time.. i still have those sms with me.. haiis!! erms.. cannot miss me anymore, cox.. it wld only be a pain!! her mood won`t be good..and, if her gf is true.. haiis.. yah.. truth is, i want her miss me !! :(

lalala~
mayb is cos i think too much liao.. dreamt bout her too -.- for goodness sack, it`s a nightmare!!
my sister found out all my pics, contacts, blogs, friendster and stuff.. then my dad called me when i`m outside.. he shout, "WHO IS KELSON!?!" i was like.... "c.l de sister de bf.." then i forgot the other 1/2 liaos.. was thinking in my dream.. how come.. got jayven de pic, got write bout jayven oso, dad nv asked? o.O then in dream, thought of.. OOH!! THAT TIME TOLD MAMA BOUT THE TWO MAHS!! then val say is the tall one!! OH MY GOD!! thats y!! -.-

DOTS!!! my dream so.. haha..
guess.. i am who i am. loves attention and stuff..
didn`t expect myself to like her so much too wor.. lols.. everything so fast.. it`s only the 30th day since we 1st met up -.- lalala~ wadever bahs!! lao tian ye jiu wo!! ru guo bu hui you jie guo, jiu ba wo dai zhou!! lols..

5:45 AM

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -